Friday, May 16, 2014

Forgotten Books: Natural Causes and According to the Evidence by Henry Cecil



"What man said what to you yesterday?" asked the judge, in a somewhat stern voice.

"It was all perfectly friendly, my Lord. I hope I haven't said anything I shouldn't."

'What man said what to you yesterday?' repeated the judge.

"I was in the garden having a nap, my Lord, as a matter of fact,' said the colonel.

"I dare say you were, but who came to you and said what?'

"I'd had rather a heavy day," said the colonel.

The judge tapped his desk impatiently with a pencil. 'Colonel Brain, ' he said, 'will you kindly answer the question?'

'Certainly my Lord,' said the  colonel and waited.

'Well?' said the judge, after a moment's pause.

Col.Brain smiled cheerfully towards him.

'Will u kindly answer the ques, Colonel. You can hear, can't you?'

'Very well, my Lord. As a matter of fact, I had a test the other day and...'

'Be quiet, sir,' said the judge loudly.

'I'm sorry, my Lord,' said the Colonel, and relapsed into a crestfallen silence. The silence continued. for a time. It was broken by the judge.

'Colonel Brain, I don't know if you're being intentionally perverse, but, in case you are, I should warn you that I shall have no hesitation in sending you to prison.'

'Prison, my Lord?' said the colonel unhappily. 'I can't think what I do, my Lord. That's what the Lord Chief Justice said to me when I gave evidence. I find it terribly difficult. I' m only trying to help, my Lord. First your Lordship asks me if I'm deaf and when I start to explain, your Lordship tells me to be quiet. Then, when I keep quiet, you say I must go to prison.....Perhaps I'd better go, I don't seem to be doing much good here.'

'You will kindly stay in the witness box until I say you may leave and you will answer the ques which are put to you sensibly and properly. Is that understood?'

'Yes, my lord.'

'Very well, then.'
.
Again there was a silence.

'Colonel Brain,' said the judge, controlling himself as well as he could, but obviously with some difficulty, 'You are being asked a perfectly simple question. Will you kindly answer it?'

'Of course, my Lord,' said the colonel. 'I understand that's what I am here for.'

'I'm glad you realize that at last,' said the judge.

'Oh, my Lord,' said the colonel. 'I've realized it all the time.'

'Very well then. Answer the question.'

'Yes, my Lord - when I know what it is.'

The judge said nothing for several seconds, while he looked keenly at the others.

'Are you telling me,' he said eventually, 'that you don't know what the question is?'

'Not in advance, my Lord. Do you mean you want me to guess what it, my Lord?'

'I mean nothing of the kind. Do you mean to tell me you were a colonel in the Army.'

'A lieutenant colonel, my Lord. If I'd known that was the question, I'd have answered a long time ago.'

'It was not the question.'

'I'm sorry, my Lord. Shouldn't I have answered then?'

'Well,' said the judge,'I suppose it is quite a long time ago now since you were asked the question.'

'About the army, my Lord?'

'No, not about the Army,' the judge almost shouted. He paused for a moment and went on: 'Now, let's be quite calm and collected about this...'

'Of course, my Lord.'

'Be quiet, sir,' said the judge.

'I'm sorry, my Lord, I thought you were going to ask me a question.'

'I am about to do so.'

'Will I go to prison if I answer it, my Lord.'

'Colonel Brain, will you kindly say nothing until I have asked you the question and then answer the question and nothing else. Do you understand that?'

The colonel remained silent.

'Colonel Brain, did you hear me?'

The Colonel nodded violently and said nothing.

'Colonel Brain!' thundered the judge.

'Your Lordship told me only to answer the question and nothing else - or was that the question, my Lord? I really am finding this most terribly difficult.'

'Not more than I am,' said the judge, suddenly relaxing.....

P.G. Wodehouse? No, this is an author who, in fact, enthralled Wodehouse himself. Henry Cecil Leon (1902-1976) was a judge who wrote fiction under the pen-names Henry Cecil and Clifford Maxwell. Recently I read two of his books and was completely entertained. His 1953 novel Natural Causes is about a megalomaniac newspaper editor who starts a smear campaign against a judge and eventually this leads to blackmail and death.





 The other novel, According to the Evidence appeared a year later and it is from there that you have the long extract at the beginning of the post. The witness is Colonel Brain, a character who appears in both the books and is most lovable. According to the Evidence deals with murder, the working of the law, and how the concepts of guilt and innocence can be most problematic.

If you like to read, crime novels with a strong dose of hilarity, do read these books. I'll definitely be reading more of the author.

First Line: Some three years before the attempt was made to blackmail a High Court judge a young solicitor, Gilbert Swanley, walked into the offices of London Clarion.

Title: Natural Causes
Author: Henry Cecil
Publication Details: Middlesex: Penguin, 1964
First Published: 1953
Pages: 201
Source: H.M. Library [F.C.A 51E]

*

First Line: The prisoner had been to a public school, the charge was murder, the victim an attractive girl, and there had been several similar unresolved murders not long before.

Title: According to the Evidence
Author: Henry Cecil
Publication Details: Middlesex: Penguin,1965
First Published: 1954
Pages: 200
Source: H.M. Library [FCA 51C]

*

Entry for FFB @ Pattinase.

9 comments:

  1. Loved According to the Evidence when I read it last year. It was such a linguistic farce. Just the kind of thing I find hysteircally funny. Nice to see someone else appreciates Henry Cecil. His books should all be in print. Too bad you can only find them in libraries or the used book stores these days.

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    1. It's indeed sad, John, that certain writers simply disappear from the radar. The library has a couple more but after that....

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    2. House of Stratus has a lot of reprints of his books.

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  2. One of my favourites. I do like comedic mysteries.

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    1. Thanks for the visit Ron. If you like comedic mysteries,try Tarquin Hall. His Vish Puri, a 'most' private investigator, is a wonderful creation.

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  3. Neeru - Oh, this does sound like an author I want to try. And anyone whose work engaged P.D. Wodehouse is worth a read.

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    1. Margot, start with According to the Evidence. It's downright hilarious.

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  4. I read Cecil, I think, a very, very long time and remember beign thoroughly amused as I was studying law at the time - but I can;t really remember any of it so I'll have to start from scratch! Thanks Neeru.

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    1. He is really good Sergio. I hope you get a chance to re-read him quickly.

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